Anyone can run for president

March 13, 2007 at 3:27 pm Leave a comment

And that includes Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey, who is the registered candidate for the Satanic Vampire ticket (party?). I am unfamiliar with all of his campaign promises, but he has pledged that, if elected, one of his first acts will be to impale George W. Bush. I am not the only one to think this would be an odd choice for a self-proclaimed vampire. “I guess the question is, if he’s a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn’t he want to bite the president and feed on him?” asked Law Professor Neil Richards, of Washington University in St. Louis.

Sharkey, who ran for president in 2004 and has run for Congress, oh, many, many times, has failed to win an election yet. Go figure. Nonetheless, his pledge did attract some slight attention from the Secret Service, which was obligated to investigate. As a potential future president, “The Impaler” was disturbed by their lack of thoroughness. “They didn’t even ask to see my impaling stick,” he complained.

Maybe they just weren’t taking him seriously.

Vampire/Impaler for President

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Entry filed under: news.

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