It’s Not Too Late
September 19, 2006 at 4:32 pm 78 comments
Aye, me hearties, the day be young yet, and ye can can still talk like a pirate instead of the scurvy land-lubber that ye be.
If, like meself, you make a lousy pirate-talker, visit this site for pertinent information regardin’ pirate lingo. Learn to Talk like a pirate
If ye don’t have time t’ read because ye are busy bilging rats or some such thing, just click on one o’ these MP3 sound files (found at the site above) and repeat after t’ pirate.”
Talk like this pirate
Entry filed under: current events, humor, weird.
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Elzbth 
1.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Let’s not forget, madam, that one could simply imitate Jack Sparrow, savvy? 😉
2.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Aye, you can imitate Jack Sparrow. And when you do that, give him this for me, will you?
*slaps his face*
3.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 8:10 pm
*chuckle*
Oooooh, this makes that lampshade thing look sooooo tame! 😛
4.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 8:35 pm
That’s because the lampshade game has actual rules. Here we have more what you would call “guidelines.”
5.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 8:47 pm
😆 You’re more of a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean than I thought!
6.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Why do you think that?
*adjusts corset*
7.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 9:08 pm
That’s pretty good, remembering a line like that. This is either madness or brilliance! 😉
8.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Ah, the uncomfortable insanity that accompanies genius…
*slices off !@#$ corset, fails to mention that she has repeated the above mentioned line several times over the last three years, or is it two? The medication can make perceptions of time sooooo confusing…*
9.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Ye must be a pirate for the pirate’s code to apply and ye’re not!
Comfy now?
10.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Yes, except for these red vertical lines on my ribca…Oh! Yes, the pirate’s code. Unfortunately I have already used the only line I can actually remember.
I make a lousy pirate.
11.
HayZeus | September 19, 2006 at 10:05 pm
Here I thought from the slap that you were trying more for Elizabeth Swann than a pirate. Silly me!
Will: You didn’t beat me. you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I’d killed you.
Jack: Then that’s not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it? [moves one of the sails so that the yard catches Will and swings him out over the sea] Now, as long as you’re just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example, I can let you drown but I can’t bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So: [swings him back on board and offers him his sword] can you sail under the command of a pirate? Or can you not?
That’s the best I can do, but it is a great exchange, no? 😀
12.
Elzbth | September 19, 2006 at 10:23 pm
That’s pretty good, remembering an entire scene like that. This is either madness or brilliance. 😀
.Here I thought from the slap that you were trying more for Elizabeth Swann than a pirate. Silly me!
Ooops! Once the corset came off, I forgot who I was! Where’s the rum?
13.
HayZeus | September 20, 2006 at 7:08 am
It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide! 😉
Everyone drank the rum except for Musli. He’s still got his extra ration. 😦
14.
Elzbth | September 20, 2006 at 4:58 pm
We can’t pillage and plunder and flich and loot without rum! We shall have to head for port.
15.
HayZeus | September 20, 2006 at 8:03 pm
Arr! We’ll commandeer ‘is rum and mix up some grog ‘ere we get ta port and procure some more!
16.
Elzbth | September 20, 2006 at 9:21 pm
More rum and more corsets. You convinced me.
17.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:15 am
Arrr! Ye do look quite the part o’ the fetchin’ pirate lass!
18.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 3:48 pm
And ye’re a fetchin’ pirate, yerself, having all your limbs and eyes, and whatnot. So let’s go fetch some rum.
19.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Aye, lass! Now where’d Sparrow say that island was? 😕
20.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 5:24 pm
I be not sure, but I believe the gettin’ there requires a turtle and a rope braided from yer own body hair. So I’ll get the razor and give ye a trim.
21.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 5:41 pm
Ya think that if I be tellin’ the rest o’ the boys that I took up cyclin’ that they’d be believin’ it? Har har har! 😛
22.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 5:54 pm
Naarrrrr. Ye should probably tell them ye were in a drunken brawl with a well-armed barber.
And now that I have this razor performin’ near a delicate area, maybe we could be discussin’ the idea of yer writing me posts for me.
23.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Errr ahhhh what would ye be likin’ me to write ye, lass? 😕
24.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 6:05 pm
I be not picky.
How do ye like the Jolly Roger I trimmed out for ye?
25.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 6:09 pm
I be findin’ it appropriate though I’m a little serprised that ye didn’t just shape a giant X outta the whole mess! 😉
26.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Are ye makin’ fun o’ my spelling agin?
27.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 6:26 pm
No, I just be talkin’ like a pirate, lass!
‘Sides, I actually fixed the spellin’ mistakes I found in yer questions last week! 😮
28.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 6:29 pm
That’s because ye are a big, strong, plundering’ pillagin’ pirate, and I would squirt ye down with rum and lick it off, complying with all the Disney requirements for a PG rating, of course, if ye would write my post for me.
29.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Check yer e-mail, lass. The post be writin’ itself!
30.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 6:48 pm
Har. The vindictive streak in me really enjoyed reading about their sorrows. I mean, gee whiz, that’s too bad.
31.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Avast ye scurvy dogs! Airbus is about to go belly-up! Run up yer colors or prepare ta be boarded!
32.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 6:56 pm
That’s great! Thanks for writing that fer me.
*slowly traces Jolly Roger*
And be ye thinkin’ of a title?
33.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 7:02 pm
I be aaah, havin’ trouble concentratin’, there, lassie but maybe something like A380 Ready For Delivery and then havin’ the link say either “wait… no it isn’t!” or “FOOLED YOU!” or maaaaybe even “if ye be believin’ that then I have a bridge in Brooklyn ta be sellin’ ya at a very reasonable price!”
How does that be soundin’? 😀
34.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 7:09 pm
That be soundin’ wonderful! Ye are the grandest pirate sailin’ the seven seas.
35.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 7:13 pm
Arrr, ye be too kind by far lass! I’m just a cur that knows his way ’round a keyboard, I am! 😳
36.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 7:31 pm
Har! Ye may not have noticed, but that post pieced itself together bit by little bit. I’m thinkin’ Musli’s rum may be gettin’ to me.
37.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Wrote itself, it did! Aye, that’s good rum!
38.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 7:39 pm
And the braid be nearly finished. Yo ho yo ho!
39.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Who could be believin’ that I had that much hair on me?
Wait, don’t be answerin’ that! 😛
40.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 7:58 pm
Don’t worry, me bucko. If it begins t’ itch, we can whip out t’ razor again. There be tricks t’ that trade. And you can never have t’ much rope out here on t’ briny sea.
41.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Awwright, I be trustin’ ye, lass. Now have we any turtles or do we need ta catch one?
42.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 8:17 pm
Here be ye’re turtle. It be on the scrawny side, but it has a shell and the requisite number of legs.
43.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Brilliant! What be our headin’?
44.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 8:35 pm
Ummmmmm….that way!
45.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Arrr! Me skin be all irritated now! What d’ye recommend I do?
46.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 8:41 pm
I knew I should have used some soap or shaving cream! I’ll get the lotion. Tell me where it hurts.
47.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 8:45 pm
Arrr! I be burnin’ everywhere!
48.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 8:49 pm
Then everywhere it be. Where do it be hurtin’ the most?
49.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 8:57 pm
Ah but ye’re a clever lass! Start with me leg. I believe it do be hurtin’ me the most.
50.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 9:11 pm
Decisions, decisions. I think I’ll start with the left one, and work my way up from the ankle. There, is that better?
51.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Arrr, it be feelin’ much better darlin’. Much better. For a while there I thought that this be worse than any itchin’ but now I’m changin’ my mind.
52.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 9:28 pm
Arrrr, I so enjoy a good rubbin on of lotion that my accent comes and goes. Avast, me hearty, and do whatever it is that pirates do with the mizzenmast. I’m going to shiver yer other timber.
53.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 9:32 pm
You be very kind me heartie. At first I thought the rum would make tha shavin’ all worthwhile but now I’m thinkin’ this makes it worthwhile all on its own. The rum just be an extra reward!
54.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 9:40 pm
Other timber shivered, cap’n. What be the new coordinates?
55.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 9:48 pm
Arrr errr ahhh…
me chest! Aye but me pecs’re burnin’!
56.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:01 pm
I’ll be scrubbin that deck, then. We must belay the burnin’ pecs. Then – on to the pirate booty.
57.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:02 pm
Very well, lass. I trust ye.
58.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:05 pm
Ye’ll not be fallin’ asleep again, will ye?
59.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Nay, lass. I don’t think so. I’m too busy admirin’ ye. 😉
60.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:20 pm
Arrrr, I like that cut of yer jib, as well. Excuse me while I slip into something less comfortable.
61.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:23 pm
And I thought I was awake before…
62.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:34 pm
That’s quite a cutlass ye have there, bucko.
*ship runs aground, I fall on my…the floor*
Arrrrr, land ho.
63.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:38 pm
Aye and that’s some mighty fine treasure ye have there lassie.
*offers his hand to Elzbth*
Are ye hurt? Anything I can do for ye?
64.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Ye can shoot that turtle!
65.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 10:44 pm
If ye say so, lass!
*HZ blindfolds the turtle and gives it a cigarette*
Would ye care to make a statement, turtle?
66.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Don’t ye be listenin’ ‘ that turtle He broke the sound mechanism on my musical panties and I…
*stops, unable to keep a straight face after using the words “musical panties”, starts to laugh hysterically*
67.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Haw haw haw they were funny, those were! Ye know I could never keep a straight face when ye wore those! 😆
68.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 11:01 pm
What song did they play? I have forgotten. *still laughing*
69.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:02 pm
I believe ’twas Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healin’ but don’t be quotin’ me on that one. I’m not sure which pair were broke! *chuckle*
70.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 11:07 pm
I have more than one pair of musical panties? *laughs harder*
Ahhhh, that was good.
Well, on to the island and the rum.
71.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:09 pm
Aye. I take it that means that yer all right. Here let me look to make sure.
*Inspects Elzbths… the floor*
72.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 11:11 pm
*HayZeus inspects the floor*
*Elzbth bops him a good one*
73.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Oh it’s ta be one o’ THOSE nights again, eh? I shoulda known!
*thud*
74.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Goodnight and sweet dreams, me heartie.
75.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Ye’re headin’ ta bed then?
76.
Elzbth | September 21, 2006 at 11:21 pm
Well, ye can come along and seek some buried treasure, but I am over and out.
77.
HayZeus | September 21, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Good night then, lass. Sweet dreams!
78.
Rod Serling | September 22, 2006 at 10:08 pm
A demented exchange, incoherent yet all too familiar, lasting over 7 hours. Up ahead in the distance, that light next to the Jolly Roger. You have entered a dimension not only of sigh and sound but of the feeble mind. Next stop, the Moron Zone.