And the winner is…

July 11, 2006 at 9:37 pm Leave a comment

I always enjoy the annual Bulwer-Lytton Literary Parody Prize, which is awarded to the contestant who submits the worst opening sentence in an imaginary novel. 

The contest began in 1982 (Warning! Skip this paragraph if you are incredibly bored by short background histories) at San Jose State University as a tribute to the prolific Victorian novelist, Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton.  Bulwer-Lytton originated the expressions “the pen is mightier than the sword”, “the great unwashed”, and “the almighty dollar.”  What a word-meister!  Aren’t you glad that you never had to sit next to him on a long flight? But this particular award was inspired  by the opening line of his novel Paul Clifford,  the infamous “It was a dark and stormy night.”

This year’s winner is…envelope please…Jim Guigli of California, who has absolutely no excuse for writing the following sentence:

“Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.”

Yes, he deserved to win. Congratulations, Jim. That sentence is still heads and tails above last year’s runner up, however, which was awarded to a  Mitsy Rae of Danbury, NE, for the following amusing atrocity:

When Detective Riggs was called to investigate the theft of a trainload of Native American fish broth concentrate bound for market, he solved the case almost immediately, being that the trail of clues led straight to the train-master, who had both the locomotive and the Hopi tuna tea.

Detective spoof wins coveted bad-writing award  Image Preview

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Entry filed under: entertainment, humor, news.

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