April 11, 2006 at 12:19 am 2 comments

As the villagers of Felton, U.K., sleep quietly in their beds, their gardens are being savaged by a gigantic, long eared, buck-toothed beast. Rampaging, pillaging, gnawing it’s way through the neat rows, this monster consumes any vegetable lying in its path.  Innocent leeks, Japanese onions, and carrots are ripped from the ground and mercilessly chomped.  It even eats the parsnips, proving that no vegetable is safe!   The villagers are upset.  According to the Northumberland Today, they aren’t being shy about expressing either their anger or their awe.

A direct quote: Mr Smith said: “It is a massive thing. It is a monster. The first time I saw it, I said what the hell is that. “The prints were far bigger than a hare, they were like a deer. It is a brute of a thing. “We have got two lads here trying to shoot it but they never see it.”

Yes, it’s true.  They have hired hitmen and given them orders to shoot to kill.  Hopefully these men will succeed in their quest, and Northern England will once again be safe for root vegetables.                                                                   

 News – Northumberland Today: News, Sport, Jobs, Property, Cars, Entertainments & More


Entry filed under: in the news.

Wishful Thinking More Depressing News from the Balkans

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. blogidaho  |  April 11, 2006 at 2:29 pm

    You’re getting this WordPress figured out. Nice little bunny icon.

  • 2. Tom  |  December 17, 2006 at 11:24 am

    And the sad thing is that this is what the Northumberland Gazette would consider to be quality journalism! They obviously didn’t have any milk bottle thefts to talk about that week.


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