An orangutan, helpfully described as “hulking”, escaped from his cage at the local zoo and headed directly for the nearest restaurant. Unable to get any service, he “gleefully” began tossing picnic tables and motorbikes about the place. Terrified diners were “forced to cower” while inside the restaurant. This baffles me…anyway, the unfortunate ape never received a menu, let alone a bite to eat. Instead, he was shot with a stun gun, scooped up by a small bulldozer, and returned to his regular meals at the zoo.

A crocodile recently chomped off the arm of a veterinarian at this same (Shaoshan) zoo. Clearly the animals are unhappy with their current diet. To be effective in overcoming these violent dietary demands, the management at the zoo needs to understand why they occur. Understanding the motivation for these violent expressions will lead to an effective strategy (such as the hiring of a new chef), reducing the number of chomped veterinarians and cowering diners.

And that’s a good thing.
Check it out

Now their names have been plastered across the intertubey thingamajobber and the humiliation continues.

“Where is the key?” “I thought you had it.” “But I thought you had it.”

What happens to people’s minds and appetites in those frigid states? Any theories? One of the customers has a theory. “After a few beers, you can’t really tell the difference,” Joubert said.

…The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman’s point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That’s why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.

Who knew he was actually correct?
A groom who turned up drunk to his wedding in India was replaced by his more sober brother

Everyone’s victim, poor guy.

Afterewards, you can take this quiz: How Hot are Your Kisses Quiz. Be honest now!
My kisses are only medium hot. That seems to mean that I’m friendly, but not trampy. How about you?

The carp were swimming about in the chilly waters of a fishing lake when the weather grew warmer. So they headed for the warmer water in the shallow part of the lake. (Cue scary music). They had no idea of the terror awaiting them. No knowledge of the greenish, brownish, extremely near-sighted or not-at-all-picky, wart covered, excessively horny toads that lurked in the plant life near the shallows. Spring had sprung, and the toads were feeling “amorous”. So they began aggressively courting the poor, innocent carp, refusing to acknowledge that “No” means “No”.

Mr. Heelis, the manager of the lake, described the suffering of the lake fish. He said: “… We have several thousand fish here and maybe a third of them had the toads attached to them. This is unnatural.” Yes. Yes, it is.

Scores of the stressed carp are now dead, victims of “gang-amorousing” by the toads. Apparently they have a plan of attack. One toad will jump onto a carp’s head, clamping tightly and pushing its eyes into its sockets. The other toads will then leap aboard and, in their disgusting, slimy frenzy, cover the fish’s gills and cause it to drown. Suffocated by toads! What a hideous way to go! This is the stuff of nightmares. Apparently the fishermen think so, as well, as they are not braving the shallow side. And who can blame them?

Lake fish killed by “amorous” toads